Have you ever wondered: “Am I a sensitive person? How do I know? What does that even mean?”
There’s a lot of talk about being a sensitive person, and ideas about whether it’s a positive or negative. Maybe it’s something that makes you cringe a little. Or maybe it’s something you deeply identify with, and it shapes the way you move through the world. Maybe you’re not sure, and don’t know quite how you feel about it.
In my experience, some people are more sensitive than others, and of course, it’s not simply good or bad (because few things in life are that simple!), and it can be a useful aspect of ourselves to explore and understand.
Are some people wired to be more sensitive?
A decent body of research shows that some people are born more sensitive to their environment. One school of thought uses the analogy of a spectrum of dandelions, tulips and orchids, with dandelions being at the less sensitive end of the spectrum, orchids experiencing higher levels of sensitivity, and tulips sitting somewhere in between.
What does ‘sensitivity’ actually mean?
Researchers don’t fully agree about what the dimensions of sensitivity are; however, Elaine Aron (a researcher and popular thinker about sensitivity – she coined and popularised the term ‘Highly Sensitive Person’ or HSP) – charts four aspects:
- noticing subtle shifts in tone/mood/atmosphere
- reaching overwhelm faster in loud/busy/intense settings
- feeling emotions strongly – yours and others
- processing things more deeply, turning them over longer
You can have varying levels of sensitivity across these different domains.
Does sensitive mean fragile?
The truth is, having higher levels of sensitivity can mean that the world can be a tougher place in some ways. It can be linked to more mental health struggles, lower life satisfaction and burnout. But, and this is an important but, it works both ways. When you have higher levels of sensitivity, tough environments are tougher, but you will thrive in a nurturing environment.
Where do messages about ‘being sensitive’ come from?
How sensitivity gets treated depends a lot on where you grew up, and what you were taught was strong or weak. For instance, Western cultures tend to value stoicism, hyper-independence and toughness, viewing sensitivity as weakness. However, in more collectivist cultures sensitivity is often viewed as a more desirable attribute, allowing empathy and attunement to others.
Gender plays a role too. Masculinity, in many patriarchal Western cultures, is equated with being tough and unemotional, while sensitivity is associated with femininity and ‘weakness’.
What’s helpful about knowing how sensitive you are?
In my work with clients, identifying whether sensitivity is a part of the picture can be helpful – often people have a sense of “what’s wrong with me? nothing that hard happened to me”. They may feel some shame about being the ‘sensitive one’, since their sensitivity was not valued, and they learned to internalise others’ messages of unworthiness or weakness.
By exploring and understanding sensitivity (and how your particular sensitivities impact your life) you can be with yourself with more self-knowledge and self-kindness. This means you’re more able to harness the strengths of your sensitivity, and to protect yourself from its challenges. You know more about how to care for yourself, what your limits are and when you might want to build your capacity vs make room to accommodate your needs. You can come to better know what a ‘good life’ might look like for you.
Of course, as with so many aspects of life, the trait of sensitivity is not simply good or bad – instead it is part of the wide spectrum of ways humans experience the world, and the truth is, we need dandelions, orchids and all the flowers in between.
If any of this resonated, and you’d like to explore your own sensitivity with someone, I’d love to help. Book a free 15 minute phone chat, or get in touch here
Further reading:
- The Orchid and the Dandelion: Why Some Children Struggle and How All Can Thrive (Knopf, 2019), by Dr. W. Thomas Boyce
- The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You (Broadway Books, 1996), by Elaine Aron
- Elaine Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Person
